Another NYC speed-dating company; and New Year's Day

A few days ago I received a nice e-mail from Rich, the president of NY Minute Dating (http://www.nyminutedating.com/). He said that he enjoyed reading my blog and offered to let me register for one of his company's speed-dating events for free! I won't be doing that since I'm now dating the Nicest Guy in the World, but any of you NYC-area readers who want to try speed-dating may want to check it out. I thought I'd tried every speed-dating company in New York City, but NY Minute Dating is new to me. On their web site, they promise you will meet up to 15 other singles and have a five-minute "date" with each. In addition to more general events, they have some niche events coming up, including Asian Singles, Russian Singles, Latino Singles, Interracial Singles (one event for white women to meet black men, one for white men to meet black women), Middle Eastern Muslim Singles, and single parents. If you attend, let me know how it goes.

Nicest Guy and I had our second official date on New Year's Day! I'm sure it comes as no surprise that the Nicest Guy in the World has the Nicest Family in the World, so for our second date we went to his sister and brother-in-law's place and played with the new Wii Fit they'd given their kids for Christmas. It was so much fun because his sister and her family are really great, AND it turns out I'm a much better athlete on the Wii than in real life. For example, I've never bowled above a 74 in an actual bowling alley, but on the Wii, I bowled a 130! The only Wii sport Nicest Guy and I didn't enjoy was boxing -- you couldn't really see what you were doing, so it felt like we were just flailing our arms around (and my arms got sore!). I also wasn't very good at the ski jump. But bowling, tennis, baseball, and yoga were all pretty cool. If only I could've had a Wii gym class back in school, I might've actually gotten an A in phys ed once in a while.

Since his sister's place is a little tricky to find, especially for someone like me with 'directional dyslexia,' I had driven to the nearby mall, Nicest Guy met me and left his car there, and we drove to his sister's in my dad's car. When we left, we drove back to the mall to get his car, so we shared our second kiss in -- where else? -- a parking lot.

"We have to stop kissing in parking lots," I said.

"I know," he agreed. "People are going to start thinking we're trashy!" ;)

I told him!

The Nicest Guy in the World and I drove up to Albany on Dec. 27th to visit a good friend of his since childhood & his wife, and their five-week-old baby. By then I knew I wanted to tell him that I liked him as more than a friend, but I didn't know when to bring it up, so I kept putting it off. We had a really fun visit with his friend and his family -- their baby is so cute! Nicest Guy had brought some great Christmas presents for the baby, including one I had suggested -- since his friend was a big fan of the rock group Twisted Sister back in the day, Nicest Guy got a Twisted Sister onesy for the baby, with the Twisted Sister logo and "I Wanna Walk!" printed on it. His friend loved it!

The other funny thing happened when Nicest Guy and his friend exchanged Christmas gifts. As Nicest Guy was opening one, his friend said hesitantly, "I don't know if you'll really like this or not, I just thought you might find it interesting...."

Nicest Guy laughed and said, "Well, I definitely know someone who'll want to borrow it." It was a PAUL SIMON DVD! His friend had no idea, but I am one of the biggest Paul Simon fans around. So it will be the perfect gift for me to steal when Nicest Guy's not looking, er, I mean, watch with him. ;)

We finally left at around 9 PM, and Nicest Guy drove me to NJ, where I was staying with my dad for a few days over the Christmas/New Year's holiday. The closer we got, the more nervous I felt. When we finally arrived at my dad's apartment, the street had enough parked cars and snow piles to prevent us from parking there, so we had to park way in the back of the complex by the Dumpster. We went inside to chat with my dad for a few minutes, and when Nicest Guy said he'd better be going, I said quickly. "I'll walk you to your car."

We walked quietly through the parking lot. It was a cold night, raining so lightly it was really just mist. I looked up at the moon, blurry in the fog, my hands jammed in my coat pockets. I was so nervous. I thought, what if I've misread every signal, misunderstood every sign, and he doesn't actually want to be more than friends after all?

As we got to his car and started to say good-bye, I almost chickened out, but I knew if I did I would regret it. So I finally blurted out, "Remember like a year ago when you said we should start dating and I said no?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Um -- I've changed my mind," I said, and held my breath.

He blinked. "Oh!" he said -- and then he broke into a grin. "Wow! Well -- wow! That would be -- that would be -- wow! Yes! Yes!"

We kissed then, between the Dumpster and the cars in the apartment complex parking lot. And that is how it came to be that two years after he first sent me a wink on Match.com, and one year and eleven months after our first date in January 2007, the Nicest Guy in the World and I planned our second official date -- for January 1, 2009.

:) :) :)

Follow your dreams

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was kissing a guy. He wasn't anyone I know in real life. I think he was just a symbol of every man that I, full of curiosity and nervousness and hope and excitement, have gone off to have a date with over the past two years.

I should have enjoyed kissing this guy (he was pretty cute for a symbol). But I didn't. In fact, I wasn't having a good time at all. Instead, I kept thinking, "What about the Nicest Guy in the World?" I was flattered that this guy liked me enough to kiss me. But I still wasn't enjoying it. I began to think, "I wish I'd never even met this guy! That way I could just date the Nicest Guy in the World."

Then I woke up. And before I could form objections or excuses or thoughts or any words at all, I was flooded with one insistent, overwhelming emotion.

Relief.

That in my real life, there is no other guy; there is only the Nicest Guy in the World.

And now that my subconscious has spoken, I finally know what I have to do.

:)

9 Dating New Year's Resolutions for 2009

I just discovered this interesting article by Margeaux Baulch detailing nine New Year's resolutions for dating (http://www.sheknows.com/articles/807048.htm). The nine resolutions are:

1. Define what you want in a relationship
2. Assess your baggage
3. Get your booty off the couch
4. Get out of your dating comfort zone
5. Date more than one person at a time
6. Stop trying to make lemonade out of bad lemons (ah, yes -- glad I finally took this one to heart!)
7. Ditch the deadline
8. Date yourself
9. Enjoy the journey

I think "enjoy the journey," while probably the most important, can be the hardest to keep. When you're on a date with the 12th guy in four months, only to discover he's immature, or a complainer, or cheap, or is great but just not that into you, it can be really, really hard to remember that dating is actually supposed to be FUN. But it is. And all you can do is take the perspective that the 'bad' guys are out there to remind you what's so good about the good guys.

Happy New Year, everyone, and thanks for reading!

Confession

I still have a crush on the Nicest Guy in the World! (who I did meet on Match.com, albeit two years ago...hmm, maybe that site doesn't suck after all....)
He came over today. We had lunch together, and dinner. We exchanged Christmas presents (he even brought a present for my cat). I gave him "The Office" DVD game, and we played it -- fun. Then we watched "It's A Wonderful Life," which he had brought. I love that movie. *sniffle*
When he had to leave I went with him to the train and bought my Sunday paper. As I walked back it was snowing, and I realized I was smiling all the way home.
:)

Ageism on Match.com??

I decided to do an experiment and re-join Match.com (http://www.match.com/) for one month. I joined on 11/18, so my one-month membership expired tonight. In the past I've had some success with Match -- in 2007 I dated two "Match men" for six to eight weeks (not at the same time), which is good for me.

But THIS time? Crickets. Here are the stats: over the course of one month, I wrote to 36 men whose profiles appealed to me. That's 36 personal, time-consuming, individualized e-mails -- more than one a day. And guess how many guys wrote me back?

Fewer.

Even fewer.

Way fewer.

Two.

Yes. A whopping two whole guys wrote me back. That's only a 5% rate of return! Oh, three or four guys did hit the button that sends an automatic message saying "thanks, but I've met someone and want to see how it goes." And one guy even wrote me a nice personal e-mail saying the same thing. But for the most part: SILENCE.

Did any guys contact me first? Yes -- but only five. And actually, only a couple of those were messages. The others were winks, which means all they had to do was make the minimal effort of clicking a button. I wrote back to three of them (the three who seemed normal). One stopped responding after a few messages. As of right now I'm still e-mailing two of them, or at least I think I am -- yesterday I sent them each a message explaining I was letting my membership lapse and giving them my personal e-mail address, but I haven't heard from either of them yet.

As for the two guys I contacted first who actually wrote me back, one stopped responding to me after a few messages. I met the other one for coffee last week. He seemed like he would be an interesting guy -- he didn't move to the U.S. until he was 16 and has done a lot of traveling. But we parted after an hour or so, and for some reason I haven't thought about him since. Just no chemistry, I guess? He must have felt the same way, because I haven't heard from him either.

So I wonder if the lack of responses and the lack of guys contacting me first is because I'm now 36. When I was on Match as a 34-year-old, and then again briefly as a 35-year-old, I certainly didn't get tons of responses, but it was definitely better than 5%, and more than 5 guys contacted me per month. So I'm thinking maybe a lot of guys search the site for women 35 and younger? In which case, I aged out of a lot of men's searches three months ago. I'm not sure what else it could be -- I even had the same photo because I couldn't figure out how to switch to a new primary photo. Guys did view my profile -- 342 guys, to be specific (the site lets you know). They just didn't contact me.

So much for Match.com.

Artsy Photographer: disappointing

Sorry it's taken me so long to post about my date with Artsy Photographer from HurryDate (http://www.hurrydate.com) -- but unfortunately, you weren't missing much! I can see why my friend barely made it through her first (and only) date with him a few months back. I like quiet guys, but he was too quiet in an awkward way. I would bring something up, like telling him about a trip I went on to Ireland last year, for instance, and he would basically just say, "That's nice." No tales of his own vacations, no questions about mine, nothing. So I found myself talking too much to cover up the silence. Once I realized I was doing this, I forced myself to let the silence linger. And then, just as I was about to pass out from the awkwardness, he would FINALLY ask me a question or contribute something to the conversation. That did not, however, make it any less uncomfortable. Even when I asked him a question, he would give me a short answer -- not in a rude way, just matter-of-fact -- but it made things difficult. If I'm on a date, and a guy asks me, for example, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I won't just say, "Yes, a sister." I'll also add where she lives, what she does, you know, to liven up the conversation, and then I would ask him about his siblings. But this guy would just say, "Yes, a sister." I would wait for more, but there wouldn't be any more, just that awkward silence. I had to pump him with questions to continue the conversation.

And at the end of it all, wouldn't you know, he didn't even treat me to dinner! I swear, when I had a full-time job, the guys I went out with paid 95% of the time. But I lost my full-time job in early October, and suddenly none of the guys I go out with ever pick up the check, just when I can least afford it! Is the bad economy making them all cheapskates, or is it just bad timing of who I'm dating? To be fair, Artsy Photographer had just lost his job the week before (on the day of the HurryDate event, actually). But he's a computer science person, so you know he was making more than I ever have, and he told me he'll be able to find another job quite easily when he wants to. And HE was the one who suggested dinner! If I'd known for sure I'd have to pay for myself, I would've preferred meeting for coffee. I was also slightly annoyed because as I looked at the menu, I asked if he'd ever tried the Ethiopian wine (we were at an Ethiopian restaurant). He said yes and that he liked it. I said I'd never tried it, then went to the restroom. When I came back, he had ordered us each a glass of wine. Nice gesture, but I had never said I wanted, or could afford to pay for, a glass of wine. Arrrgh! (But I must admit, it WAS delicious.)

Then when we hugged good-bye, I got a distinctly creepy feeling. I can't even explain why. But when I talked to my friend who'd had the date with him a few months ago, she asked, "Did he give you the creepy good-bye hug?" So she had gotten a weird vibe from his hug, too!

It's too bad because he was a smart guy, interesting when he actually talked :O and he did have a good sense of humor. I didn't send him a thank-you e-mail, though, and I haven't heard from him since.